Life is so full of dead ends. When you meet them, you are faced with dissapointment, telling you to turn back and find another way through, cause if you don't you'll be stuck at that dead end forever. So we move on, like the little pawns of life we are.

It's not like we have a choice anyway.

So here I am, moving on with my life, and I know you are too.

I'll update tomorrow. Goodnight all.

Anyways, for those I know asking me anout my main blog, I won;t blog there anymore. My dad reads it to check up on my life(the horror!), so I'll just blog here until I shift my other site to a new URL.

I have this little "experiment" going on. Not that it's new or anything, but I thought I''d do my own version of it. Heck, everyone's doing it anyway -BRYANBOY and all. What you ask? Hmmm, you'll know when I Tell you (;

Gosh, I feel so guilty with this little experiment. Egging a few guys on, and then turning them down with a slap to the face is just so heartless. I know the suspense is killing you, but patience is a virtue and the wait just makes the result that much more gratifying for you. You know, like when you hold back your ejaculation cause you know if you do the next one will be twice better. Gah, bad analogy.

Still, the experiment has brought me into the light the exoticism(is there such a word? -LOL, not exorcism mind you) of my natively brown tone, which the whites find so alluring. I guess it's true when they say that opposites attract(I know I'm being so contradictory here, with me being gay and all but whatever!).

I think white men are hot(ter) because...
1. they are more keen on settling down compared to their Asian counterparts(ala us). As in, they're not afraid of commitment.
2. They're less dramatic(spare me the antics please) and more attractively honest.
3. Size matters. Need I say more?

I know I shouldn't be deviating from the fact that I should be studying, but hey, I need to balance out all my work with some fun too yeah. Yes, breaking hearts is fun in an evil sort of way, but hey -think of it this way; breaking people's heart makes them stronger for the real world, makes them thicker and more guarded with their feelings.  

On a sidenote, I now know breaking up is hard to do. Now I know what they mean. More on this later, when the actual drama's over, and the dust has settled. I HATE ending things on a sour note, as was with Roy. This is exactly why I hate getting into r/ships. When you're close to someone and happy with them being them, it makes you wonder if things will change(for the worse) when you take your friendship up another notch. Then when it comes crumbling down, you've lost not only your supposed other half, but untimately a good friend.

ME says: ted lets be honest this will never work
ME says: im sorry, but ive been holding myself back for way too long
ME says: turning down people who come my way for one person
ME says: and i know you know it from the time u asked me if anything was wrong. so to put it simply, its over. 
ME says: it was nice while it lasted
Ted says: i told u u can tell me anything, but u nver did ..but ok....bye
ME says: no i mean, we can still be friends if you want to, but nothing more from now
ME says: im just not the type to give one person my everything
ME says:you were the one who told me when you give someone your everything and you lose him you'll lose everything
Ted says: friends on what basis? i hate ppl who ignore n block me out. grow up first!
ME says: i never ignored u ted
ME says: sigh ok if you want it to end this way fine
Ted says: i didn't end..u did
Ted says: don't call

Ok, little miss karma. You'll catch up to me anyway, so let me have it now. Make my parents cut my allowance or something. Do it now, not when the exam period kicks in! Anyway, I'm not entirely sure I Was the one doing all the heartbreaking there..

NMAIL ME, MOTHERFUCKERS. I'm single(...again -I wasn't attached for very long anyhow so, screw it). I miss the fanmails. I'm really sorry for not having updated for so long. Well, if its any consolation, a week to go before school's out over here, and I'm all alone on the days leading up to the O-Levels. Hear that? All alone! *hint hint*

Hello. Well God knows I haven't updated in ages, cause of my CGE O-Level exams, which is stressing the hell out of me and taking up all my time.

Just a thought though, if you were to want to spend your whole entire life with someone, I'd rather that someone be like Darren Hayes. Smart, witty, entertainingly talented and as he said, generous. Oh, I like the sound of that haha.

Yeah, I bought Darren Hayes first solo album since splitting with Savage Garden, titled Spin and I loved it. It's been years since I listened to it, but when news came out that he wasn't as straight as he sings, I was an instant reborn fan. I mean, come on; if we backdoor swingers don't support each other, who will? I dug out his old(and now-rather dusty) CD and fell in love all over again, and now the songs have a whole new meaning and honesty in them.

Just watch this interview. Notice how he turns what is potentially a disastrously boring conversation(I wouldn't dare call this an interview -it goes against all interviewing ethics!) to a relaxed and engaging one. He's just so honest, how can you not fall in love? NOW THAT'S MY IDEAL GUY!

I think I'll be getting myself his latest CD sometime soon. His latest single 'Darkness' is just so amazingly dark, I never knew he was that versatile. I love love love it.

Here's a video montage made by someone, who seems to be pretty adept at making videos from scratch, cause this is one of the best video montage-s I've seen in a while. Darren, you can creep up on me anytime you want. Too bad you're married. DAMN!

Darren Hayes, you truly are an inspiration; insatiable indeed.

So people, start requesting for Darkness on your local radio stations! (=

Reflecting a basic human need, your lips upon mine, mine over yours.
The need to connect with others, spiritually, not merely physically.
So much deeper than sexuality, no longer mine alone, ours.
It's as simple as a kiss. It's sad some people don't understand me.
Never to experience the beauty of the locking lips, seconds turned hours.
It's not that it's fated, it's just that they don't let their hearts free.
It's sad how some will never know.
Feelings too deep for anyone to show.
How far a kiss can go.
A stolen moment, rushed slow.

Was working last weekend at Somerset and I realised that gay couples love hanging out there. For some obscure reason, they just like that place. If I'm a good estimator, then I'd say one fifths of the people who passed me were homosexual couples. Hot hot ones.

If you're observant enough, its pretty easy to spot "them" really.

Saw one Chinese guy with a hot chiseled Caucasian guy and I tell you I wanted to slap that Caucasian guy right then and there and scream "WHAT ARE YOU BLIND YOU BELONG WITH ME!" UGH. Sounds selfish but what can I do? Better be honest than fake right? Hello, the Chinese guy was like head over heels crazy in love touchy feely sticky to him. Gross can.

I know when to give space to my guy one okay. I know when to back off and lunge forward. I'm perfect. Haha. Yeah, I wished.

I smsed a few galpals later to say how much of a pang in the heart it is to be stationed for work at Somerset. Brings back a few memories. Been a while since I've been in a r/ship. Kinda miss Roy. Certainly ready for one more. So what you waiting for? Hit on me already! Haha.

Sigh. Sometimes I wonder if my standards are a tad bit high. Sometimes I wonder if I should jusy go for Alvin who's been smsing me although I no longer reply. I mean he's nice and all, but he ain't the boyfriend material I had in mind. Sigh.

Oh, and SGBOY is such a blessing. Makes me reel back my thoughts of having lower standards. It pays to have high ones okay! (Except for the disappointment part) Thank God a friend recommended it(SGBOY), if not I would never have known about it(yeah I'm kinda slow on these net stuff). Kinda nice to have guys go straight up to you kissing and spanking you, albeit the fact that ha;f of them are old wrinkled men who only want to get off with you cause they can't get off with their wives. Still, there's a few that make it worth your while. <3 Been a member for almost a week now. So far so good.

In other news, I'm so over Lenard. HAHA. Moving on now~
Screw you sonnova bitch weirdo.
Now back off.
(Heidi is gonna kill me for this...)

Nights bitches!

I was working part-time these past few days, and honestly; I think working is such a hassle. Why can't money grow on trees?

In other words, I was at Bugis a few days back, and Bugis has officially taken topspot for my list of places to be to spot hot guys. I mean, the guys there are like, Calvin Klein models come to life. Yes, those hunkily perfect ones with faces sculpted by God himself.

*melts*

Anyway, this whole infatuation thing is fading(I hope). I mean, I still like love him alot, it's just that I have to realise that we two can never be a thing. I'd be happy just to see him happy with someone else(thanks to that someone who told me this!), and that is true love. To be able to let go of someone you deeply love cause you know you are never enough to make him fully happy.

I am starting to distance myself, slowly but surely. I will. My will is strong.

REMINDER TO SELF. Make the next entry about the 4 different classifications for guys.

Hahah. To say I haven't blogged in ages, would be no mere exxageration. I really haven't blogged in ages!

Ok, so naturally alot has happened lately. I mean alot.

Some embarrasing, i.e. me wanting to snap this cute guy's pic in the MRT, and putting my phone to silent, but it clicking loudly when I had the camera pointed his way for God knows why, and thereafter being the subject of mockery from his fellow hot friends. I was flushed with embarrassment! You can;t imagine how red I was... 

Some good. I have a date with my prospective husband this Friday. Haha. Hearts <3 I finally took up my mum's offer to take up a musical instrument. I'm gonna start learning the piano soon. AND HE WILL TEACH ME, guide my fingers and all, from behind, whispering the notes slowly into my ears, and when i'm better singing it with such a soft tender caress that I'll just become some teenage prodigy on the piano for I've been inspired. Does this paragraph even make sense? Well it ain't supposed to.

Some bad. This other prospective husband, whom I went to met with a friend only a few days ago, is soooo not boyfriend material. What more husband material? Sure, he's nice and all; but maybe nice is not what I'm looking for. I want some spice in my life can?

Sheesh. Goodnight motherfuckers. I'm tired. Working part-time to fund my Crumpler bag fund, SGD$179 which I have to get before any of them assholes do or I'd be the copier. I'm supposed to be some originator la. At least I try (x

Gosh. You know what, I'm so faithful I haven't taken a second look at most hot guys I've come accross in town, when I would usually go "OMG SO HOT!!! *points and swoons, then gradually melts*". Now it would be, "oh he's cute, but my husband to be is wayyyy cuter." Now I know what faithfulness means, and I do cherish it. It's a wonderful thing.

Overheard straight guy talk in the MRT on the way home today.
Guy 1: Yah this guy was so despo asking for my sis number.
Guy 2(who's way cuter than Guy 1): Was he upfront?
Guy 1: Nooo, he was like beating about the bush and shit.
Guy 2: So girls like guys to be upfront la?
Guy 1: I guess so. I mean you'd want any girl to be upfront with you right?

OK, so we should all be upfront. Lesson learned.

Goodnight cocksuckers(I think motherfucker is getting old...)!

Aquarius:
Channel your energy toward trying to decode
a very mysterious communication now.

I'm a sucker for horoscopes. Don't blame me, who made them so real anyway!? Anyway, this is one of the more accurate ones.

So, this morning I went to Lenard's house to make hot passionate love to him do our boring project.

I was fashionably late as usual, 1 hour late to be exact. Told Lenard to go ahead and bring our other two group members(who are certainly unwanted in our s-excapades) to his home first and I'd just follow(I've been there before, they haven't.

Anyway, it was only after today that I begun to think more of what people are saying, the possibility of him being homosexual.

 

 

 

 

 

dads home. update laters.

<3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love that. I love what I say. I love my words. I love myself. Anyway, trying to make reason of my love(I still refuse to say "crush").

Ahhh, I'm a fool in love bitten by a lovebug or wadever.

Anyway, I just made a revelation that a school teacher who left a month ago is Gay. More on that next time, and my thoughts on it(I have lots to say abouit this teacher -he was my home teacher) as I am rather turned off by the fact that all this while, all the crude straight sex jokes and the act straight make fun of homos jokes he cracked were but an act? Oh, to make it worse, he has a boyfriend/partner all the while.

I'm rather peeved by that, for I can't imagine myself ever doing that!

Ok confession. I think Dan is cute! there you got me.

Still, Lenard Lee, you're the LOVE OF MY LIFE <3333333

Ok, I better stop this before I scare readers away, I'm becoming like some love-sick deprived bitch, and thats not a good thing.

Talking to Dan is like getting a box of chocolates. You expect someone to say "you never know what you're gonna get" but yet you already know the tagline. It's okay if you're confused, because I don't understand what I'm saying also. I mean like, you expect something, different, yet the different has become so routine that the difference turns into something common and expected. Ok, I confuse you and myself.

Seems like I'm now known as the bitch and Dan is the slut.

DAN says: hi bitch
I says: hey slut
DAN says: bb
DAN says: going out now...
I says: tata
DAN says: bye bitch

No, I don't like him and he doesn't like me because we treat each other as nothing more than friends. Bitchmates to be exact.